The Elf and The Ninja

It was a cold winters night, the elven warrior had finished hunting pink dragon toads for the day and needed to have a bite to eat and lay his head to rest. Tomorrow would involve the blue ones, which were far more challenging to tackle, especially when using their breakdancing skills to evade capture. Pink dragon toads could only do the samba, so they were less of a challenge, but a good warm up for the next day.

After much searching for an appropriate place to stay, he happened upon a tavern by the great sea, with its green neon lighting and seashell encrusted doors and windows. A bit tacky, he thought, but there was no other place to go within 10 leagues, without resorting to sleeping outdoors, camping under the starlight. Wolves with banjos prowled at night and the sound they made was so obnoxious, he could no longer take it. He would rather pull his fingernails out with a paperclip, or, being pragmatic and sensible, just sleep inside the tavern.

Upon entering the tavern, he beheld a beauty never seen before in his life, sitting at the bar with a milk and a cookie. Brushing his hair back and checking his appearance in the sunglasses of the barman, he approached her to get a better look, sitting down on the stool next to her. She was dressed all in black, a skintight catsuit, nearly a full foot shorter than him, kunai strapped to her belt and a whip coiled over her shoulder. Her face was mostly covered, but her eyes were captivating, posture and
figure sublime.

Raising the glass of milk to her lips, she raised her mask to drink, revealing full, luscious lips and clear, pure, pale skin. He could tell she was nervous, he could see it in her eyes and she was trembling (ninjas are normally so self-assured). That and the dribble of milk down her chin as she drank, gulping and gasping until the last drop had passed through her delectable mouth. There was even a bit of whimpering as though she was getting great pleasure from the drink. Then she started eating the cookie…

There was an awkward silence for a minute as seductive nibbling took place, then she spotted his sword hanging down his side and her eyes widened

“Can I touch your sword?” she asked
“Certainly”, he said, pulling his sword out if its sheath and offering it to her
“It is rather big isn’t it?”
“So I’ve been told”
“It’s a bit dirty though”
“That is because I have using it all day, all it needs a bit of spit and polish, but I am somewhat lacking in that department”
“I have some in my room for my own blades. Care to come with me so I can polish your sword?”

Standing erect, he replied “Certainly, it will be greatly appreciated”


As they walked through the bar towards the guest rooms, the lights started to dim and the band started to play soft, romantic music, people started dancing slow waltzes. Tension was building, hearts beating rapidly, palms sweating. He could swear he heard a dove cooing as well, but he often heard things that weren’t there.

Upon reaching the hallway with the rooms were, he realised where he actually was. This was no ordinary tavern, this was a ‘love tavern’, where adventurers came to satisfy their carnal desires. She beckoned him to a room, with a large heart on it with the words “Welcome to the Ninja Garden, where all your desires will be fulfilled. Whips optional”.

Resigned to his fate and shrugging his shoulders, he entered the room. “About time I had a bit of luck” and by golly he was to have a night of his life.


One thought on “The Elf and The Ninja

  1. ajwrites57 says:

    Ridiculous! Milk and cookies? I love it! Theater of the absurd! Love tavern! Oh Sam!

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